Like a wild animal I watch you
mesmerized and enthralled
at how you act, interact.
So many of you yet so little difference,
and I stick out like a sore thumb.
Your words are foreign to me,
a language I’ve never heard.
I’m setting right next to you,
but I feel like i’m not there at all.
I watch you like a scene in a movie
waiting for the explosion to happen.
We share the same blood, I’m told, but right here I feel like a fraud.
You shoot me, I’m bleeding all over the place,
my eyes are filling with blood and you run.
You run you’re so far away,
but I still hear you calling my name.
You come back in sheep’s clothing like I wouldn’t know you,
the bullet goes deeper with the sound of your voice,
its too deep,
about to cut my heart in half.
You don’t see it anymore,
you can’t see the blood or the bullet or the hole,
I forgot about it, I miss not having pink colored eyes.
You leave again,
and I’m calling your name, but I’m choking on blood.
I woke up this morning feeling prettier.
I’m no skinnier, no smarter, no nothing.
Is this body even mine?
I’m not sure.
But this morning I woke up with a sense in me
Is that what joy feels like?
Like a light, a lightness
that devours you, engulfs you.
But after that the darkness hits.
Almost like it plays a sick game with you.
It warms you up at first then chews you up and spits you back out
back to the real world you might’ve forgotten,
but I never do.
I asked you to touch me,
to laugh and hold my hand.
Never leave me here in the cold,
please never do.
I can’t handle the cold,
and you were so warm and comforting.
But now it’s all too different.
Now I’m cold from the inside,
and your touch burns me,
peeling my skin.
Can I push you away oh please
just move away
“Aren’t we pieces that made a whole?” you asked.
But maybe I was never your fit, my dearest.
Sunsets and rain drops
with a loving hand on mine,
I wish this moment would never change,
you won’t runaway like you always do,
and I won’t fear my lonesome nights.
But the minutes never stop.
The minutes pass
I don’t feel them anymore with your hand still on mine,
but in time you’ll leave and I’ll feel every second burning me alive.
With a heavy breath and a tear on my cheek I think of you
of a life I’ve lost.
of a version of myself I’ll never get.
I wish you could join me to see what I’ve become,
will you be proud?
I hope so.
I tried to be the best I can be.
I laugh you off every subject,
but it still stings ,
some days more than others.
You had so much to share with the world,
but I didn’t get to enjoy any of it.
I think of beauty in my soul
and wonder did I get it from you?
I wish I knew.
Yet I will always enjoy the thought of your beauty staying with me forever,
even if I didn’t know where it is.
I fell in love with a war.
A war that will kill me.
A war in my heart and in yours.
It will end and I’ll end with it,
for our love stands for nothing but war.
As you’ll grow bored of me,
and I’ll hate the sound of your laugh
but I still think about you with every moment that passes,
and with a smile you think of me too.
So lets enjoy a war
and die together at the end of it all.